Mum, You Leave Me ‘So Soon’

‘So Soon’ A song by Maher Zain that always reminds me of my mother and yes whenever I listen to the song there are always tears in my eyes. She passed away when I was 17 years old.

She is a beautiful woman and a mother that has a golden heart. Everyone likes her, everybody seeks advice from her because she is nice to everybody.

She showed me what LOVE is. I remember when I was like 14 years old I was admitted to hospital for a week due to high fever, My body temperature always goes high during the night and because the distance between my bed and the nurses counter was really far, so it is allowable to every patient to have somebody to accompany them, so if anything happens there is someone who can call the nurses (back then there is no emergency/calling remote  in hospital like nowadays).

A few nights my sister was so nice to take care of me but she gets bored after that ( I understand, she just a kid). So she refuses to accompany me for the rest of the nights. My mother was so worried  if my fever gets high no one takes care of me.She decided to accompany me that night . This is where she showed me what LOVE is from a mother. She is actually sick, really sick and weak because she just gone through her Chemotherapy. She was diagnosed with ovary cancer stage 3. She lost her hair, she is so skinny like a skeleton I can see her bones. She barely talks because she doesn’t have energy BUT because she loves her daughter so much, nothing can stop her to take care of her sick daughter. I still can hear her voice calling out my name and asking me ‘how are you?’ ………………………..

Luckily my neighbour stopped her and asked my friend to accompany me for the rest of the nights.

She taught me to stand on my own feet even though I’m a girl. She always brings me to any talk that has a women presenter which she admires. She will explain to me how great that woman is and how that woman can be so great. Oh! I miss the time when she was around and her sweet smiles that make me happy.My mother  was not from a family that has high education level but she taught her children about how important education is. I remember I saw my mother cried when she saw from far away my older sister walked to the stage to take her Master’s degree scroll in high prestige local university. How I wish my mother was here when I had my graduation ceremony. I just want to tell her ‘mum, I got my scroll too’ but …she went too soon.

The most thing that I’m grateful before she left was, I have the opportunity to hug her and say ” I’m Sorry”. I’m sorry for every mistake that I do as your daughter, I’m sorry if I ever raised my voice to you, I’m sorry if I ever hurt your heart even though as small as bacteria, I’m sorry if I ever make you cry because of my stupidness and I’m sorry. She looked me into my eyes and nodded like she wants to say ‘ it’s okay dear’.

Mum! I’m grateful every memory I had with you and I always remember you in every prayer that I make. I pray that you in a better place where you should be because of your kindness.

I LOVE YOU and this is the words that I dont think I ever remember saying to her. Thats why I will never miss the chance to say I LOVE YOU to my father as he still alive.

I’ve got to stop the tears, keep my faith and be strong.



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